"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

Friday, May 20, 2011

It's all in how you look at it.

Phew, what a week!  I guess I should preface this post by venting a few of my added "to do's" of the week.  My husband is away for the week (again) for business, which leaves me on my own with the 2 kids again.  I'll tell ya, I don't know how single mothers do this!  Both kids needed blood work this week, we had a hearing test for Sassy (which was rescheduled because she wouldn't cooperate....shocker!), I had to get a stool sample from Sassy to send out for her first CDSA,we began Magnesium and CO Q10 this week, and my husband and I have a wedding this Saturday to go to (which means I need to buy a dress and shoes because Lord knows I certainly don't have any that fit!).  None of this got done last week because both kids were sick with a fever so now we are playing catch-up...and now I'm congested...

It was decided (by Sassy and I) that yesterday after I dropped off Peanut at school, her and I were going to have a mommy daughter day.  We were going to go to get mommy's haircut and go to the mall and shop for a dress and shoes.  Sassy was excited when we discussed it in the morning when she woke up, but that excitement was definitely short lived.  First off, I woke up and hour and a half late (AGH!).  I got up and showered just in time to get Peanut out of bed.  I rushed around pushing their morning supplements into them, trying my best to get them to eat and pack a lunch for both kids.  We were about to rush out the door (coats on), when Peanut proclaimed, "I pooped!"  He walked over to where I was standing and said, "I guess we should change my diaper."  I praised him for his words and got to work on the fastest diaper change on the planet (at least, as fast as possible when the diaper you are changing is a risk for "leakage"). As I finished the diaper change I asked Sassy to go to the door.  This (for whatever reason) set off a tantrum from Sassy.  Long story short, I was (barely) able to drag Sassy to the car with Peanut happily in tow, into the car, and then got him to school late (again).

I was able to calm Sassy down enough to feel ok with getting my haircut with her in the stroller.  She fussed and whined through the whole process.  The Autism subject came up (as it always manages to do) and I got a chance to spread a little awareness.  I got Sassy to the car and off to the mall we went.  I was very cautious.  Sassy was having a "bad" sensory day and just walking through the main doors to the mall was a bit of a challenge, but we made it.  I decided as I walked the mall with my overloaded angel that the mall is a sensory hell.  There is no other way to describe it.  Peanut is almost always sensory seeking so the mall is usually a fun experience for him.  Sassy tend to get over stimulated and has issues with certain places and objects.

Sassy seemed to have a wonderful time picking out a dress for mommy, and she even paroused the jewelery and picked out a matching necklace for me.  I was thankful that I was able to find a dress so easily and we ventured further into the mall to try to find something fun for Sassy before we went home.  The Disney store was close by and I thought that would be a perfect place for her to find a "treat"  for herself.  She has been in the store a few times before, but I am finding as she gets older that we are having more and more sensory issues than before.  We got to the the entrance to the store and she stopped dead in her tracks.  I told her to walk into the store.  She covered her eyes and said in her cute little 2 year old voice, "I can't."  I asked, "Why not."  She again covered her eyes and said, "I'm scared."  I offered to hold her hand, to carry her, to put her in the stroller, but no matter what I tried to get her into the store she refused.  I felt so bad for my little angel.  The Disney store was supposed to be a fun store that parents try to avoid as they walk the mall, but for my little girl it was place that evokes fear.  I again (as I do often) silently thanked Autism for making my child's life more difficult and we walked to a shoe store to buy a pair of shoes, which was the final item on my list of things I needed. 

At this point Sassy was done.  She asked to be in the stroller for the rest of the time in the mall and just watched everything.  My little shoe maven was even uninterested in shoes.  As I stood in line wondering if I would ever really be able to do a mother/daughter mall day with Sassy.  She lasted about 30 minutes before sensory overload set in.  Maybe it's something to work on.  The thought of not being able to have that fun "girl time" with my daughter made me a little sad. 

There were 2 mothers with their little ones (about Sassy's age) in line ahead of me.  They were chatting back and forth about their plans for play dates, birthday parties, and shopping.  I found myself a little envious of them.  I wished I knew what it was like to have a life like that.  I flipped through my wallet to figure out what gift cards I could combine to buy my shoes (you didn't think I actually had money in our account for that did you? lol!).  One of the little boys walked up to one of the mothers and said, "Mommy, I have to pee!" as he held his pants and began to do a little potty dance.  The mother ignored him completely and kept talking.  This occurred about 5 or 6 times.  I was amazed at how the mother could ignore the request and keep on chatting as if nothing was being said.  I was shocked because every single verbalization that occurs from my children receives a response.  Once at the register I overheard the mother make a comment about how annoying her sons multiple bathroom requests were, and I suddenly was no longer envious of them.  When ever our children ask for anything, even if the answer is no, I am still so thankful for the words.  I can't ever imagine taking that for granted. 

I no longer wish we had a life like those women.  Don't get me wrong, I would never wish our lives on anyone, but at the same time I am thankful for it.  Perhaps if we never encountered Autism in our lives we too would take small things for granted as well.  I don't want a life like that.  I'm happy to live being thankful for everything, including the little things. 

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."
                                                                                                                               ~Robert Brault

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