"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Too blessed to be stressed...

Every time I start to feel comfortable in everything that is autism, a curve ball comes our way and I'm knocked right off my feet.  First I research, then I worry and by morning I have constant shakes (anxiety) and chest pain.  Ativan anyone?? It's in my nature to worry, but when it has to do with one of my kids it throws me right over the edge into anxiety land.  All this past summer I dealt with the chest pain that is Autism, and finally after months of planning, worrying, researching, arguing and negotiating I felt as if everything was perfect (as perfect as it could be that is).  We negotiated and won the amount of ABA, OT and speech that we felt Panut needed.  We got his diet figured out.  We got on a regular schedule for his Music therapy and his Snsory integration therapy.  We began the next phase of Peanuts biomedical treatment.  I was spending some much needed quality one on one time with Sassy.  I was keeping up with most of the housework (I say most because laundry is the bain of my existence and so I'm never caught up on it.).  I started a new curriculum in our church nursery and was starting to see results, and I had even started our home school plan with nothing but success.  Everything had fallen into place, and it amazes me how such a little thing like a piece of paper could knock me off my rocker.

Peanut is a sick little boy right now.  He's actually been a sick little boy since his first birthday. (He turned 3 this past August).  Anyone who knows us knows that Peanut is always sick.  He has a fever on a monthly basis.  The fevers get as high as 104.  He gets monthly bouts of diarrhea that is almost like pure acid to his poor skin.  We finally got him to a great Naturopath and we had our plan.  During our first visit the Naturopathic doctor asked us to withhold any and all vaccinations until she could heal his beaten immune system.  We agreed.  We knew he was sick, and we knew it was especially worse whenever he was vaccinated.  The last vaccination he had (Prevnar 13), caused a rapid temperature spike to 104 in an incredibly short span of time.  When it began to spike his eyes to rolled back into his head and he was unresponsive for a few moments.  We were in the car on our way home from a therapy appointment when it happened.  Thank God my mother was in the car with me and was able to get back to the backseat to make sure he was okay while I got off the highway.  I had turned the car around and was on the way to the hospital until he perked up and seemed to be okay.  He spent the afternoon feverish and lethargic on my bed moaning, but responsive.  We got an appointment for him to be seen at his PCP office that afternoon.  The pediatrician (who is very good at her job, but only knows what the CDC and AAP tells her).  She said his fever wouldn't be from the vaccination because he had gotten the Prevnar 13 shot 2 days prior to his fever starting.  She did a thorough exam and sent us home with a diagnosis of a viral fever.  After my latest research I have a differnt opinion as to what happened that day.  In any case, the decision was made that no vaccine will be given to our little Peanut for at least the next year.

Yesterday I found a note in Peanuts backpack.  It was from the health office at his school.  It stated Peanut had not had his Hib #4.  If he didn't receive it and prove  that it was done by 3/4/11 he would not be allowed back into school.  I didn't freak (yet).  Of course he had gotten it.  Peanuts home ABA therapy began and I quietly sat at my laptop and went online.  I came across an article called, "The Search for Safer Vaccines."  It tells the sad story of little Elias Tembenis and the battle he lost against a vaccination injury.  There was no need for this little angel and his family to endure what they have (and still do) live with.

I teared up as I read it.  It was then I looked at that piece of paper from Peanuts backpack.  Could his reactions to vaccinations get worse?  I knew the answer was yes.  As soon as the kids were in bed I opened my laptop up again and I began to research.  The laws in our state only allow exemption from vaccines due to a religious reason or a medical issue.  In other words if Peanut didn't get this vaccination he couldn't go to school.  90% of his therapy is through the public school right now.  If he couldn't go into the public school he could loose it all.  I got up and went down to my shelf of binders.  All paperwork and information related to Peanut and his medical issues is contained in this wall of binders. I checked his immunization record, and my heart sank.  He never got Hib #4.  Sassy did.  He didn't.  My mind began to race and then the worry began.  What would we do?  We had just fought so hard for this therapy.  He loved his therapists and teachers.  They all work so well with him and he's had such an improvement.  He had the chance to socialize with so many peers.  He had learned so many social skills in the past few months.  How could we loose all that?!?! I asked myself, is it worth vaccinating him one more time?  I again thought of Elias Tembenis and knew with a certainty the answer was no.

I went into Peanuts room and began to cry.  I stood there with my hands on him and I prayed.  When I was done I sat on the floor, looking at my little angel through my tears and stroked his small soft hand as he slept.  We couldn't give him this vaccination.  His life was worth more than any therapy. 

I paced the living room waiting to hear from my husband.  He was working late at his second job.  I went online.  Facebook was slow.  I posted, "stressing."  Within minutes I had a response from a very dear friend and church family member.  She wrote, "Keep telling yourself you re too blessed to be stressed and too annointed to be disappointed, it helps me alot if I keep repeating it . I'll keep you in prayer. love you"  I stewed on this for a few minutes.  It took a while to sink in.  If anyone else had written it I may not have paid too much attention to it but coming from her it had meant to much more.  Her and her husband are an inspiration to us.  She has been struggling with health issues and cancer for years.  No matter what obstacle came their way, her and her husband stayed as faithful as ever and so her comment meant more to me for that reason.  She was right!  Babes called and I discussed my night of worry with him.  He agreed, we couldn't vaccinate Peanut.  Not now at least.  Suddenly I was feeling better.  God will provide.  He always does.  My stress didn't melt away but by midnight I was able to get to sleep instead of staying up all night. 

The morning brought back my chestpain.  I woke up congested with a cold.  We were running late to bring Peanut to school despite having plenty of time to get ready.  I slipped on some ice walking out the front door and sliced my palm open.  The sliding door to our van wouldn't open.  By the time I dropped him off at school I was running ragged and it was only 9am!

Later in the morning I spoke with the Pediatrician and discussed my concerns with her.  She suprisingly agreed to write a letter of medical exception for us.  I spoke with the Naturopath and she stated I never need to worry like this again.  She would always be willing to sign a medical exception form for us.  I called the Health office at the school and the Nurse was so nice and supportive. (I expected to be judged for our decision.)  After I hung up with the Nurse, I began to cry.  The relief was too overwhelming!  There are too many times I hear the horror stories of families and their struggles with these same issues.  Their outcomes,   not all positive like ours.  It's times like this where I have to remember that God is with us and he is in control.  Sometimes it's hard to remember this.  Even if today didn't go as well as it did, I still need to stay strong in my faith, because God is in control. 

I'm reminded of Proverbs 3:5-6 that states, " Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."  Sometimes we don't understand why God lets things happen, but we need to have faith that it's all in his plan and all for a good reason. Thank-you God for the wonderful outcome today.  I not only thank him for today, but also for everything he has provided; my family, my friends, the roof over our heads, the food in our mouths, our children, our church, our salvation.  Thank-you God for all that you do and thank-you for opening my eyes to how much better life is, when you are in control. 

God Bless,

Mommy Provost

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