"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

Friday, February 10, 2012

Holding back the tears

Yesterday began as a rough day.  I began my morning with a migraine.  I was able to get it down to a dull irritating pain, but I was never really able to get rid of it completely.   We had a Naturopath appointment and as I was running around the house trying to get ready, Sassy managed to find her way into some metal folding chairs that ended up falling on top of her before I could get to her.  Once I unburied her from under the pile of chairs, I held her and rocked her to calm her down and make sure she wasn't injured in some way.  As I rocked with her, I found it hard to hold back my tears.  Tears from fear of her getting hurt, and tears of strain.  The stressed feeling I know all to well is starting to return to my life a bit and it wears on me quickly.
We were now running late for the appointment.  As I was getting the kids into the car, I received a call from the natropaths office.  The doctor was stuck in traffic and was going to be a little late.  "Thank you Lord." I muttered, thankful for the extra few minutes.  I took a deep breath and off we went.
Our appointment went well.  I had promised the kids they could go to an indoor playground after the appointment.  We had a wonderful time running and playing.  They love climbing in the huge, netted in climbing structure.  Peanut is now a professional at navigating his little body through the tunnels and obstacles, and down the slides.
One of the sections has a hole in a netted floor.  Peanut and Sassy love climbing to the upper level through this hole.  It has taken them some time to figure it out but they have.  A little girl who looked to be about Peanuts age was trying over and over to climb up through the hole Peanut and Sassy have gotten so good at.
I watched in amazement as Peanut walked up to her and offered to help.

"Do you need some help?" Asked Peanut
"Yes!" She said
"Okay, hold my hand." He said as he reached out to her.
She grabbed his hand and he helped pull her up through the hole.  Sassy stooped and watched, and then ran by them.
"Whats your name?" Peanut asked.
At this point I can feel the tears well up.  The little girl told him her name.
"My name is Peanut.  Do you wanna play?" He said
And off they ran.  They played together for a good half an hour before going on on their way to another distraction.  I stood there watching this occur almost in disbelief.  "Thank you Jesus!  Thank-you Jesus!" is what ran through my head as I watched.  My body shook as I fought back the tears.

I suddenly didn't feel that stress as badly any more.  Even if I did, at this point I wouldn't care.  THIS is why I deal with the daily stress.  THIS is why we work so hard. Yesterday was proof to me we are headed in the right direction.  We are doing the right thing!  Peanut is 4 years old and when he was diagnosed with Classic Autism 2 years ago, it was a hope that he would someday make friends of his own.    Now, it's a reality.  I never ever thought, that I would be the happiest mother in the world...holding back the tears.

God Bless,
Mommy Provost

1 comment:

  1. My brother is Autistic (Aspergers). When we were growing up in a small mill town in Middle-Of-Nowhere, USA there was no such thing as Autistic. All it meant was that kid is weird. As a result my parents never did the struggling. My brother was never identified and he was never given any help. He is now 30, lives at home with my father still, has extreme issues with even leaving the house, and though he completed college is unemployed due to horrific issues in the workplace.

    I am writing to tell you that you are doing the best and greatest thing a mother can. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes everyday seems totally lost and no one will ever understand. However, in 10 years, your child will be able to have a conversation with another person without you worrying. In 15, he will be able to grocery shop and have a personal life without you there. You are allowing him to be an actual person, rather than just a weird kid. Due to being so little, he can't thank you right now for struggling and fighting those daily fights, but he will thank you when he is older.